Silly Christmas Songs :: Santa Claus Is Coming To What???

For some reason, I've had this silly version of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" brewing in my mind. It is Christmas time, of course, and the music has been playing for several days, now. And while I'm a Christian, I'm not going to confuse the American Christmas season with the Christian religion, so please don't any of you, either. If this seems a bit vulgar, just consider it a poor attempt at humor . . .

Santa Claus Is Coming To What???
© 2008 by Mark Dopita

You better watch out, you better not cry
The big guy's coming, get ready to fly
Santa Claus is coming to kick your ass!

He's making a list of things you done wrong
Of how you done bad, in words that are strong
Santa Claus is coming to kick your ass!

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
[Music stops; spoken]That seems a little creepy, don't it?
A restraining order's what you need
Get one now, for your own sake!

You better watch out, you better not cry
The big guy's coming, get ready to fly
Santa Claus is coming to kick your ass!

You're out with your doll, she's starting to coo
But over your shoulder, he's looking at you
Santa Claus, that creepy old man

You're havin' a beer, you're havin' a shot
You're smokin' the last cigarette that you've got
Santa Claus is makin' his plan

The kids in girls-and-boys land
Who do the things you do
Are all in for a rude ol' shock
When he gets his hands on you

You better watch out, you better not cry
The big guy's coming, get ready to fly
Santa Claus is coming to kick your ass!